Communication…

I recently shared a quote about communication. Something simple, and was surprised by how much controversy and aggression it stirred up. One woman, claiming to be a psychologist, passionately declared the approach was completely wrong. I hadn’t expect such a strong reaction to such a gentle concept.

What many didn’t realize is that the meme reflected a communication style I actually learned through couples counseling. Our therapist introduced it as a way to handle difficult conversations in a healthier, more constructive way. The concept was simple, one person speaks, the other listens, really listens.

When one of us had an issue to raise, we’d start by asking if it was a good time to talk. The speaker would express their feelings in a non-confrontational way, and the listener’s role was to paraphrase what they heard. If they got it wrong, it would be clarified. Then we’d take time to reflect before picking the conversation back up.

We haven’t stuck to that exact structure over time, but the lesson stayed with us. The goal isn’t to win, or even to resolve everything right away. The goal is to understand, not react.

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve struggled with that. I tend to talk over or shut down my partner when emotions run high. I’ve often felt an urgent need to “fix it” immediately. But I’ve learned that giving each other space to be heard without interruption has helped reduce conflict and build more empathy. And in the lull that follows, we often return to the issue with softer hearts.

Not that it’s always smooth sailing, sometimes I still want to rip his head off and shove it down his neck cavity (I mean, I’m not Pollyanna).

Many of the angry responses to the meme accused this style of being manipulative or unfair. But to me, those reactions were more a defense of people’s own communication habits. A lot of us are simply uncomfortable with the idea of listening without jumping in.

But, here’s the thing, if someone is opening up about how they feel and you immediately interrupt or challenge them, you derail their vulnerability. That doesn’t mean your perspective isn’t valid, it just means timing matters. You will have your turn. Just not while the other person is still trying to be heard.

One of the biggest obstacles to meaningful communication is assuming we already know what the other person thinks or needs. We don’t. And trying to “correct” them mid-sentence usually creates disconnection, not clarity.

Sure, sometimes facts matter. If someone insists the sky is green, there’s only so much wiggle room. But in most relationship dynamics, we’re not arguing over facts, we’re navigating feelings. And feelings need space, not interrogation.

When my partner brings something to me (which is rare, not because I’m a breeze to live with, let’s be honest, but more because he prefers to avoid discomfort), I know it matters. So I try to listen, even when my knee-jerk reaction is to argue. Maybe I’ll agree. Maybe I won’t. But I owe it to him to hear him first. And if I have something I need to say, I can bring it up later, after I’ve had time to process, and usually with a lot more respect for where he was coming from.

At its core, communication isn’t about convincing someone to agree with you. It’s about connection. And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all, just listen.

It’s not easy, especially if you’re reactive like me. But we need to bring our best selves to the table when it really matters.

A lil later…

Stumbled across this…