Why I lose my voice…

Every now and then, I just stop writing. Even though I am a gal that has a lot to say, sometimes I lose my voice.

It feels like there are so many people speaking on the same topics, just with a different spin, and so much more eloquently than I might present them. I am intimidated.

I become despondent, I feel a little out of my depth, like I should just leave it to the real writers.  A touch of imposter syndrome rearing it’s head.

I convince myself I’ve nothing to add to this over saturated word pool. Put myself on a shelf, gather why-bother dust and lament.

It’s often at these times that my old friend serendipity makes an appearance. Just a little nudge, a few people on the same day make a little comment about how my page has helped them.  It’s a little like someone you admire, touching the back of your hand with gentle encouragement, a subtle, you've got this.

I start to sheepishly reconsider , coaxed by the slight validations. Maybe the way we uniquely present words can be like a new arrangement of an old song. Hearing it in a new light, finding something in this version that you hadn't heard before.

Our voices are so easily lost, lost amongst the constant chatter, the incessant deluge of bigger voices.

I came across this quote today, another offering from the universe.

And I realise that even if I am just writing the words for myself, even if I am just purging my own insecurities, I’ve helped myself. I’ve organised my thoughts enough, to unravel in an orderly or even haphazard fashion. In doing this I remind myself why/how I am so easily discouraged.

It doesn’t matter that I might not deem my words of a high enough standard to meet that of my peers, that I might feel unworthy of a voice. What matters is that I continue to write my words and not lurk in the shadows of self doubt.

The person that needs to hear my words isn’t looking for a high standard of literary skill, they are looking for words that make them feel less alone. That  make them feel like someone else gets it.  I guess sometimes I need to write in order to remember why I write, and to accept that writing is part of who I am.

This is what I do, it's a cycle. I've done it for as long as I can remember. Instead of being discouraged by it, I'm recognising it and accepting it for exactly what it is, an insecurity. And continuing regardless.

Footnote ...

A different day, a different quote.

I saw this quote today, and thought of this blog. I often think about my blogs, mostly deleting them, but I don't allow myself to. I'm a firm believer of standing by my words, even if it means coming back and adding a whole new perspective. It's the initial words that get me to the new perspective, they are my inspiration. There isn't much to change here, but this quote made me realise that I often write from a place of pain or saddness. What might start out as a draft of hurt feelings, with the addition of time, a rewrite and a polish, will often turn into a worthy peice of writing. So it's the notes in the margins, the thought bubbles, that somehow organise themselves into a read worthy peice that are crucial to my creative process.