Sometimes it’s just kindness…

When I was in my late 30’s I started to take in young adults and teens that were struggling or in need of guidance. My partner at the time and I had a cafe, which was a bit of a community drop in centre. At this time I also decided to study counselling.

We ran kids nights for the local kids, offered food and assistance to the homeless and partook in a number of community based projects.

There was a loft in the cafe, which was like my lil art studio/day lounge. So even with my health issues I was able to participate in the running of the cafe. I had also befriended a pastor and he would steer people to the cafe that were in need of fellowship.

We often ended up hiring those that needed a helping hand, especially travellers from other countries.  There was no financial gain, we were pretty generous and weren’t looking to profit off anyone. And most had no experience in cafe work, so there was no work exploitation, we trained them and paid accordingly.

There were times when I knew it wasn’t the best decision, but I just felt like everyone deserved a chance. Somehow that turned in to offering our home as well when necessary.

Usually one person at time, I think a couple of times we had two girls for a few months.

Over the years people have questioned why we did this. I found it really surprising when my sister in law told me an older staunch Christian friend of mine had posed the question to her as to why I took people in. It was a criticism to be clear. I was shocked, because I would have thought it was a Christian thing to do. That question has bothered me for years. It actually made me distance myself from that friendship. It just felt so unchristian and hypocritical.

Just recently I reconnected with one of the girls we had taken in and she asked me the same question and added, was something missing from my life in order for me to want to take people in. Again I was surprised.

Why do people think it’s odd to help others? Why does there need to be a motive?

I can understand that because I don’t have children people might have assumed I was filling that void. I wasn’t. Due to my health I never thought about having children.  And if I’m totally honest I didn’t mind not having that type of responsibility.

My brother and I lived on my parents property as young adults. When my brother and his wife had their two children, I and was privvy to their upbringing, and had a close relationship with them, so I kind of had the baby/child experience vicariously.

I’ve really pondered those questions over the last few days … Yes in hindsight I was always a rescuer. But I also had this ethos that if just one person believe in someone unconditionally, it could be just the thing to turn their life around or make them believe in themselves. Maybe that had been lacking from my own life, so I compensated by offering it to others. I don’t know, but I do know that I wasn’t trying to fill a void. I love my alone time, I never feel lonely and I’m not the kind of person who needs people around or feel the need to socialise. I can fully occupy myself. Also given my health limitations, the fewer obligations the better.

So I think I’m a bit offended when people just decide or assume that I had to have had something missing in my life because I extended kindness. I mean what a pessimistic conclusion to arrive at.

I think I just had a good rapport with younger adults as I was fairly young minded, spirited and carefree, yet still maternal and nurturing.

I’d missed out on my early twenties as I was mostly bed bound/house bound. Maybe having them in my life gave me an opportunity to relive that part of my life. I don’t really know. But I do know, that it was genuinely just kindness that motivated me. And I am very grateful to have had those experiences, relationships and memories in life.

I don’t see myself as anyone special for doing what we did and I made my fair share of mistakes. I was learning as I went.

But I can genuinely say there was no motive, it was just another serendipitous phase of my life. A spur of the moment offer that turned into a chapter of my life.