Resolutions…

Each time I write a blog I feel like it should be something profound. But really everything profound has been written, many times over. It’s just presented in different ways, and the words that resonate with us, delivered in a way that we needed to receive them. The important thing, we seem to see or hear them when we need to, it’s serendipitous.  A book might fall off a shelf, a quote might appear on your screen, a dialogue might catch your attention.  It’s the timing.

Often when you are trying to navigate life’s path, it is the subtle things that can make the difference.

For me, seeing another’s words articulated in a way that I’ve not been able to express them, is like a hand delivered gift from the universe.

In my life, days are days, I choose not to give much significance to the date of those days. This comes from being brought up in the hospitality industry. Holidays, traditions, occasions, usually a day you and your family spent working. I guess that sound a little sad, but you only know what you know. Certain industries dictate how family time is shaped.

Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc, they are just a day. Sure, I acknowledge other people‘s occasions and celebrate the things people want to, but I don’t hold dates accountable.

I don’t wait till my fathers birthday or anniversary of his death to grieve, I don't shut down on those days. I don’t wait for an occasion to give my partner a gift. I don’t wait for an appropriate day to express my feelings. Each day is any day I want it to be.

For some people the new year is a reset for something in their life. I understand the whole wanting to set goals, I just no longer understand needing a specific day to do it on.

For many years I was guilty of having a New Year’s resolution. Every year for about ten years, I’d have a new journal waiting, and I’d write my first entry at midnight. The resolution was that I would continue to journal for the rest of the year.

Every year after a few days I would stop journaling. Not because I didn’t want to journal, but because nothing in my life had changed. The first few days my entries were meticulous little snippets of my ideal life. They were like a beautifully decorated cake. The reality was I was writing about the pretty icing and not the sub par cake it disguised.

When I started to write about something in my life that had carried through from the previous year, because let’s face it, it was only the day before, I would become disappointed. I didn’t want to write about things that I knew needed to change. I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that I was still entertaining dysfunctional things in my life. And if I was to journal authentically I had to write about them, so the easiest solution was just not to journal.

In hindsight I realise my resolution never had a chance. I just wasn’t ready to journal, because I wasn't ready to be honest with myself.

The things we decide to do or stop doing can only happen when we are ready for them. Every day should be an opportunity to make a resolution, just quietly, for yourself, and if you fail, you can just start again the next day.

I had to do a lot of self work to get to a place where I was comfortable with my words. My resolution wasn't something I could decide on a whim.

Thankfully, I have been journaling comfortably and honestly for the past six years.

I kept failing because I wasn’t ready.

The problem was I wanted my journals to be perfect, I wanted my life to be perfect. But the reality was and still is, my life is a rollercoaster of emotions.

I also had to be honest with my writing and stop giving people a silver lining.

If making a new years resolution works for you, more power to you. But make sure you don't choose something that needs a lot of prior ground work to have a chance of succeeding.

Personally, I prefer the spontaneity of, I'm ready to do that now.