Intuition…

I’ve always gotten a feeling about people. The feelings have rarely been wrong. What has been wrong though, has been how easily I have not listened to those feelings, given the benefit of the doubt. Gaslit myself if you like.  Convincing myself my initial thoughts were, unfair, judgemental, reactive, whatever I can come up with to appease myself. To persuade myself that I am wrong. Why? Because I want to be wrong.  I want to have that person in my life.

But the thing about that, is when you do finally acknowledge that you were right, you are more disappointed with  yourself than the other person. Once again, you didn’t trust yourself, and yet again it bit you on the 🍑.

But you knew it would, because it’s a cycle, a toxic trait.

I think that most emphatic people can relate to doing this. And the more times you do it, the more conflicted you feel, and the more likely you are to be taken advantage of. Because let’s face it, you are not honouring your boundaries. You are teaching people what they can get away with.

If you didn’t do this and went with your gut feeling, you would have to follow through. Most times we are not ready to do that. So we don’t, until eventually something happens so often that we can no longer turn a blind eye. Finally we do what we should have done when we had that first gut feeling - or should we call it what it really is, a red flag.  And to add insult to injury, we continue to beat ourselves up, because we know, we did it again.

It’s not  a bad thing to have a kind heart, that wants to believe. But it’s a bit of a given these days, that there are many people out there that are actually looking for a kind heart to take advantage of.

It’s hard to change who you are, but we can at least be aware of what we are doing and maybe eventually, trust and honour ourselves sooner.