‘I could never do that’

I'm over people being angry and judgemental at children who walk away from a parent/parents. Thinking everything is forgivable.

Every day my mother wakes up and decides that she will continue a vendetta, rather than have a relationship with her daughter. In essence she sacrificed me for her pride.

But wait, there’s more, no one else is allowed, yes that’s right, allowed, to have contact with me either.

Her reasons for black listing me, I held her accountable for unacceptable behaviour. I set a boundary.

Fairly minor crime really, considering the punishment.

I’ve written in depth about ‘that day’ in an earlier blog, so I won’t go into it again.  To be honest I don’t speak about it often, because I am actually comfortable with it.

I mean I’d be much more comfortable with a motherly mother, but given the way mine is, life is actually easier.

What is difficult though, are condescending judgements of those who choose to make ignorant assertions, on a life decision they have never had to navigate.

Self righteousness is easy from an ivory tower.

I didn’t just wake up one day and nonchalantly decide I didn't want a family anymore.

It took decades to realise that my family unit was toxic. And finally one day, something happened that I couldn’t justify, couldn’t reconcile with myself. I could no longer make excuses for what was clearly abuse.

Although my mother thinks it is her choice that we don’t have a relationship, she is wrong, the very last thing I want is to rekindle any type of relationship with her. I’d rather no mother than one that is capable of the things she is.

I know there are many who still think they could never do that, but I’m here to tell you, given the right circumstances, you probably could/would.

‘I could never do that’ is an ignorant thoughtless stance. It angers me every time I hear it. But if I scrape away my feelings of indignance, the reason it hurts so much is because I too, once  believed I could never do that, I too made arrogant assumptions. I wish I had have had the foresight to offer compassion and a safe non judgemental environment for an already suffering person to feel empathy and understanding.

This is not the first time I've been in a position that I would have never expected. I've written about it before and I will write about it again. Because it's life changing. It humbles you. It makes you realise just how fragile everything actually is, on so many levels. Nothing is set in stone, including family.

Footnote:

Ironically this post was the day before Mother's day. I'm not bitter about mother daughter relationships and I certainly don't want to mar or to interject my experience on others. I share it, for those that understand it, and take solace from comparison.