Hate… is a choice.

A post from a page I follow, that of a young trans man, caught my attention. He shared that he was struggling and finding it difficult to continue...

A lovely, positive inspiring, sweet man. Just innocently documenting his journey and encouraging others along the way.

His post sits heavy on my heart , just a person trying to live his truth and craving nothing more than acceptance. I can't imagine the mental and physical struggle some people go through just to be themselves. I understand that a lot of people find it hard to accept what they don't know. I would be lying if I said I fully understood myself, but I don't need to understand to have empathy and compassion. or to be willing to learn.

His struggles prompted my lil hatred quote.

Within minutes this...

To be honest I think her name should be left, like a neon sign. She put this shit out into the universe by choice and wasn't shy in doing so.

Obviously she was just looking for a reaction, and she got one. Yes I could have ignored her all together, but I didn't 💁🏻‍♀️.

For me this triggers the same feelings of hopelessness and heartache that it always does.

I think part of the reasons I am so affected by the hatred this young man received, and receives on a daily basis, is that on some level I feel his pain existentially I want to be able to somehow take it away, because no one is deserving of it, especially just for living life. And knowing that exists for so many people is overwhelming. It sits with me, in my background, amongst my white noise.

The words I write on this topic seem like empty platitudes and self indulgent, in as much as, I, want to feel better about humanity. Yet daily, society affirms that's not happening any time soon. I think my words won't make a difference, that they fall on deaf ears. Yet, I write them anyway, because collectively, added to the kindness and support of others they might just tip the scales, even if it's just for today.

I know that on days that I have been dragged by the masses, the kindness of one stranger has ballasted me.

So.... to my struggling fellow being...

I am going to continue to call people out. I am going to continue to encourage.

But most of all I am going to continue to write about it, even if it does nothing more than to appease myself, because my conscience won't accept less.

I make no apologies for the repetition of this topic. Maybe if more of us are a little more forthright with our disdain for bigotry the tables will turn.

18th August 2023

When I write a blog, there's always a clear intent, often I don't feel that I have conveyed my message with the intensity with which I feel it.

Recently on the same page that prompted this blog, I came across a comment that really resonates and articulates so well, what I struggle to put into words. With permission from the author , I share it ...

"I started following your page in the spirit of solidarity. I was not however fully prepared to see the level of hostility, stigma, and phobia directed at you.

This has been a truly eye-opening experience. I understand so much more viscerally how much hatred, anger, and fear you encounter on a daily basis. That, in turn, helps me understand where solidarity is.

I'm a teacher (teaching rhetoric) at a college in Florida. You are giving a master class in powerful rhetoric composed of several lessons.

1) You show instead of tell -- you provide us (as your audience) with documentation of harassment, in terms of both type and frequency. I knew stigma was still here but not in such force!

2) You constantly expose the failures of genderism -- trolls and harassers so often commit the logical fallacies of "red herring" and/or "moving the goalposts." They don't care about being right, nearly as much as they care about WINNING. And you showing us that helps us see that the issue (for them) isn't the topic -- it's the domination.

3) You employ what Wayne C Booth (kind of) defined as "listening rhetoric." You hear what the trolls and harassers say, then find the incongruities in their worldviews and challenge them to address those incongruities. While most will refuse (since, as noted above, the domination is the point) you still give them the gift of the opportunity to repent. And so you give all of us the chance to reflect and grow.

I just really appreciate you. I hope these words of affirmation convey my esteem and respect a little. The most important proof of your impact though is that you call me to be a better ally and advocate -- and the test of my sincerity will be how well I meet that call starting in my classrooms. I can only promise for now to try to live up to that, but I do so promise."

Brian Breed

Brian asked that I also add ...

He wrote that comment with the intention to model what Wayne C Booth calls "listening rhetoric" and which Krista Ratcliffe calls "rhetorical listening." Both Booth and Ratcliffe argue that the only way forward for us together is to learn to really listen to one another, and then demonstrate that we are listening sincerely and deeply to one another.

"I ask for the nod to Booth and Ratcliffe because learning to listen is a skill that can change the world."