You’ve changed…

That was today’s lil pearl of wisdom, and it’s true. But there is also another side to that coin. It feels great to make the stands that you should have made long ago, or even to set a boundary in the moment. Because once you decide how you won‘t live anymore, there is no going back. That’s empowering, on a good day. But on those days where you slip back, some pesky lil trigger, you start to spiral, and before you know it you are taking tea with Alice in your rabbit hole. The sabotage begins, the what ifs start, old insecure you starts throwing out those lines like, maybe it’s me maybe I’m the problem. And sometimes you are, but with the people you had to set boundaries with, you are not the problem. Your reaction, to them might be a problem, but when you are around toxic people or people who just don’t recogise their behaviours, you are not the problem. This is usually why we go no contact. But we are human and compassionate, so we find ourselves questioning our choices. On a good day, there are no questions, we know they were smart, mature, healthy choices. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes miss some people, we just know, for whatever reason they can’t be in our lives. Accepting that we will falter, that we are human, that the rabbit hole will always be there, allows us to make our visits short. On occasion we need to acknowledge once again that some things just hurt, no matter how long ago they happened.