“You are loved”…

“You are loved”

James Van Der Beek

March 8, 1977- February 11, 2026

“Today's my birthday, and it has been the hardest year of my life, and I wanted to share something that I learned with y'all. When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, right. Which was never really all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband, and that was much better. And then I became a father, and that was the ultimate. I could define myself then as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on. And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question . Who am I? What am I? And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye, I had to come nose to nose with death.

All of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me, I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband that was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you were supposed to prune them.

And so I was faced with the question, if I am just a too, skinny, weak guy, alone, in an apartment with cancer, what am I? And I meditated and the answer came through, I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And If I’m worthy of God's love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own.

And the same is true for you? And as I move through this human portal toward recovery, I wanted to share that with you because I think that revelation that came to me was due in no small part to all the prayers and the love that had been directed toward me. So I offer that to you, however it sits in your consciousness, who ever resonates one with it. And If the word God trips you up, I certainly don't claim to know what God is or explain God, my efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me, but if it's a trigger, if feels too religious, you can take the word God out and your mantra can simply be, I am worthy of love… because you are. Thank you for the love prayers, everyone. Have a blessed day”.

This is how I will remember James Van Der Beek, as a gentle soul 🙏❤️🙏

Above is a quote that I shared to my page.

It’s strange when the passing of a celebrity or a well-known person feels… close to home.

It can catch you off guard. You didn’t know them. They didn’t know you. And yet somehow it lands in your chest like it’s personal.

I was 33 when Dawson’s Creek first aired, and even though I was no longer a teenager, I loved it. It resonated with me. I think maybe we never really stop being teenagers at heart. Or maybe we never stop being the version of ourselves that needed certain stories at certain times.

So when I heard that James Van Der Beek had passed, it didn’t feel like just another headline.

It felt strangely intimate.

James and I were diagnosed with cancer around a similar time, and in a weird way… I felt like we did the journey together. Not literally, of course, but emotionally. Watching someone go through something that mirrors your own experience makes you feel less alone. You follow their story. You quietly cheer for them. You hope they make it through.

And then suddenly they don’t.

Those words he spoke, I watched a number of times. Because sometimes you listen to someone speak and you just know. You can feel it. You can tell they’re a gentle soul. A good human. And it makes you realise that the world loses something real when people like that leave.

We don’t always recognise the weight of someone’s presence until it disappears.

What he said about identity also hit me hard. The way he spoke about being stripped of everything he used to define himself by… husband, father, provider, strength, purpose. And being left with one question:

Who am I now?

Because illness does that. It takes pieces of you, not just physically, but emotionally. It humbles you. It narrows your world. It forces you to sit in silence with yourself, and face the parts of life that most people try not to look at.

But it was what he said about God that really resonated. Because that’s a big one for me. At first I was like here we go, the old God spiel.

He realised he was worthy of God’s love simply because he existed.

And if he was worthy of God’s love, then he was worthy of his own.

That part resonated with me too. But not for the reasons you might think.

It was the way he talked about his relationship with God.

Because I feel the same way.

I feel like I’m a partial believer. Not because I’m certain, but because I want to believe there is something higher than us. Something bigger. Something that makes sense of suffering. Something that holds us accountable. Something that gives meaning to all of this.

But if I’m honest, I don’t really know what that is.

I don’t know what God is, but I know there is a higher power that I feel accountable to.

Something beyond this life.

I’m not sure why but I’ve let this blog sit in my drafts for a few weeks, maybe I wasn’t quite able to find the words that would do justice to his memory. But then I realised that he did that for himself, with his own words.

So this is how I will remember James Van Der Beek…

As a gentle soul.

And as someone who, even in his own suffering, still found the words to remind others that they are worthy of love.

Just because they exist.