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I shared this quote yesterday.

And I felt like someone slapped me.

Because, I’ve been that person.

The one who poured time, energy, love, and emotional labour into someone who barely said thank you.

I coached them through shutdowns. Helped them express themselves. Taught them basic empathy. Cleaned up the mess their childhood left behind. And somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that was love.

But now I realize I wasn’t loving. I was mothering. I was playing therapist.

I was doing all the emotional heavy lifting, thinking if I just gave a little more, they’d finally meet me halfway.

Instead of realising it wasn’t my job to turn someone into a decent partner, I stuck around trying to teach them how to be one. And the irony is they resented me for it. Because the mirror I held up made them uncomfortable.

And sure enough, they took those lessons into their next relationship.

Showed up emotionally available, said all the right things, acted like someone I barely recognised. And the worst part, they probably got praised for it.

While I got labelled too much, too intense, or impossible to please.

Yes, all of that happened.

But I also need to own the part I played, trying to rescue someone who didn’t want to be rescued. I thought if I could just get through to them, they’d finally change. I thought helping them grow was love, but it was really control dressed as care.

What I really should’ve been focused on was getting myself out of that relationship. All that effort, all that trying, didn’t heal them. It broke me and by the time it ended, I was the one who needed healing. I’d poured in so much emotional energy hoping it would strengthen the relationship, but all it really did was leave me depleted.

I don’t teach anymore. I don’t mother.

I don’t beg to be treated with basic decency. Sure i’ll still speak up, say, That’s not okay. That doesn’t feel good.

But what someone does after that, that’s on them. And whether I stay or walk away, that’s on me…