Why weren’t we told?

I came across an article today where a 40 year old woman asked a simple question.

“Why weren’t we told?”

She then listed the symptoms she had experienced over the years.

By the time she reached 45, she said she didn’t care whether she lived or died.

I read it and thought, I understand that feeling more than most people would realise.

I already had complicated health issues, but when menopause started creeping in, a whole new collection of symptoms slowly piled on top of everything else. None of them seemed to make sense together. I went back to doctors again and again trying to work out what was wrong with me.

Mostly I was dismissed.

And the more symptoms appeared, the worse the anxiety became, because living inside a body that feels like it’s falling apart without explanation is a frightening place to be.

What still surprises me now is that no one joined the dots.

It took about five years before anyone even suggested perimenopause.

And even then, there wasn’t much information around it. HRT was still being spoken about like it was a death sentence, so of course I avoided it for as long as I could. I wish now that I hadn’t carried so much fear about it, because starting earlier may have saved me years of unnecessary suffering.

Eventually I found an endocrinologist who understood what was happening. She wouldn’t let me leave hospital unless I started both HRT and a beta blocker, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that firm hand. They didn’t make everything disappear, but they helped enough that I could slowly settle into a new normal. Unfortunately, the years of not knowing had already left their mark.

What stays with me most isn’t just the symptoms, but the fear that came with not understanding what was happening to my body. So much of that fear could have been lessened if someone had simply joined the dots and explained it earlier.

Of course some women seem to breeze through menopause with very little trouble. But for others it can be completely life altering.

Menopause is still treated like some vague, embarrassing footnote in women’s health. In reality, it can be deeply destabilising, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

We should be talking about it openly. It should be taught in schools. Doctors should recognise the signs long before women reach breaking point.

Because no woman should have to spend years thinking she’s losing her mind or her health, when what she’s actually experiencing is a completely natural transition that nobody bothered to explain.

May 22nd 2026

It felt valid