They’re never going to be in a row…

I came across a quote today that felt like a get out of jail free card.

I wrote a blog recently about, being able to just relax. I wanted to be able to say that it was because I was finally happy. But it wasn’t that, and that made me feel guilty. It’s not that I’m not happy, because I think I am as happy as I am ever capable of being.

For some reason every time something goes a lil pear shaped, I feel like I’m failing.  At what I’m not quite sure, but I’d just start to unravel. I wanted smooth sailing, no waves. I spent so much time feeling haunted by hope, seeking that illusive happiness, trying to get all my ducks in a row that I was missing the bigger picture. Seeing that quote made me realise, the ducks didn’t need to be in a row. I needed to be ok with where the ducks were at. I needed to accept that it  was unrealistic to even expect the ducks to be in a row.

Happiness comes and goes, like sadness, expecting it to stay is unrealistic. But personal peace is something we create. It’s a stillness, a place to sit quietly. And to me it does feel a lot like happiness.