The voices in my head…

My internal chatter used to be pretty harsh and judgy, there was a constant critique in my head. Mostly towards myself, but also sarcy little things towards people, that I knew I shouldn’t say out loud. It’s not that they weren’t valid, they just weren’t constructive or conducive to having a peaceful mind and positive outcomes.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should sweep the negative dialogue under a rug, or not address it, I just think the pre game chatter greatly affects the outcome.

I’m seriously jealous of people who say they sometimes think nothing, I have a hard time believing them, but if it’s true, what a gift.

Personally I have three participants in my mind, all vying for centre stage.

The dominant voice, the devils advocate and the background voice (the mediator), and it’s not uncommon for them to all talk at once. Background voice is probably the most important. It’s on par with an editor. It takes the narrative, makes changes where necessary, and presents the other two with the best option. There might still be a lil stoushing, old me prefers to put it out there with no sugar coating, the no bs approach. But that has often had me feeling regretful, wishing I had approached the situation differently. Eventhough I was being true to myself, I felt bad inside. I’d beat myself up over it, and often the outcome would be disliking myself as a person.

So today when I wrote this quote, I realised I

have made progress with my inner chatter. And I have, I do find myself taking a kinder tack. Oddly enough in doing that my boundaries have become more rigid. I no longer need to fix my approach to issues, the issues are presented in a way that is concise, yet gentle. So there is no room for deflecting or defensiveness, from myself or others. The internal chatter is still a constant, but the me’s work together now, so self sabotage is a rarity.