Live and learn…

I carried a lot of guilt for certain things that didn’t work out in life, only to find out years down the track that all was not as it seemed.

I wonder if I had have known what I know now, how differently I might have lived my life.

Who knows maybe it’s all mapped out and we follow the script we are meant to.

But I wish I had have had the foresight to always leave room for the possibility that there just might be more to the story. Seems like a pretty logical thing to do. But I used to just be - a take everything at face value kinda gal.

I mean I totally get why people withhold, sometimes there are even valid reasons. But it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s deceptive and unfair. Especially if the information could change the course of someone’s life.

Had I have been more aware that not everyone is willing to share their true self, or at the very least the parts that would affect my decision making, I may have been more accepting of myself and not carried unnecessary burdens.

It is true, we do live and learn, but some lessons take a long time to be completely understood, to really sink in.

Footnote…

The next day. I can’t tell you how often I write a post and the next day a memory comes up that is pretty similar to what I wrote. Just not yet fully articulated. It couldn’t be, because pivotal information was missing. But in hindsight the words were starting to peice together what was really going on, even if I wasn’t fully in the loop yet…. Often I know exactly what I’m feeling, but getting that construct of thoughts articulated is a process. One that can take a single journal entry or years of internal unease to confirm what my intuition already knew, eventhough, you had low key accepted - it is what it is. But sometimes, actually most times, even if it is too late, all the peices eventually fit together.