Life isn’t always fair…

When you tell someone a shitty story, confide in them, really expose your vulnerabilities, your hurt, your absolute truth, and they continue to support the person that hurt you, that is unforgivable.

And I'm not talking about lil misdemeanours here, or one of those stories people tell where they are in denial about their role in the situation.

I'm talking about unequivocal outright vengeance. A smear campaign, to ensure that you are alienated, isolated and outcast.

It's hard to imagine, sharing that story with someone only to have them support and participate in the smear campaign.

It's not that you want them to pick a side, you want them to acknowledge the magnitude of the situation. To say I can't support that type of behaviour.

So many questions. Why? How? Seriously?

When you know that you are inherently a good person, yet you end up the one that takes the fall for someone else's vendetta, how do you reconcile that with yourself?

Even when you know that you kept your hands clean for years, you still tend to turn on yourself.

The self talk is brutal - 'well if people are remaining loyal to the instigator, maybe it is me - people always seem to turn on me ' etc etc etc. self sabotage at it's finest.

You know who you are, where you are, how you got there. You set clear boundaries, you said no more, you made someone accountable. Yet you are the fall guy, the scapegoat, the black sheep.

No matter how staunch your are in your truth, how rigid you are in maintaining you stance, honouring your moral compass, those feeling of self doubt are always close by.

To do the right thing, yet be ostracized for it, is something you carry with you daily.

You don't obsess about it, but you can't forget about it, because it shapes the rest of your life.

You can't forgive something that is still in play. You're not participating, but your a player, a main character, by default.

You want it to be over, you want things to be the way they were, but that can never be an option.

No matter who you are as a person, you can't have that type of background chatter and maintain healthy self esteem.

You can build a new life, one that's is fulfilling,

but you can't escape the unfairness of what you had to sacrifice.

Things happen, life is complex, healthy people find mutual resolutions, they move on, that's the way it works. But when someone undermines that process, if you don't operate that way, how do you lay it to rest? How do you not feel aggrieved?

When you have a carefree, genuine spirit, this type of insidious rudeness, can never be assimilated.

The best you can do is not let it taint the new life you have built, not let it make you bitter.

Sometimes it's an uphill battle, but to fall inwards almost feels like holding up a white flag.

Taking a plea bargain for a crime you didn't commit.

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14th August 3024….

I’ll just leave this here…