Hard to watch…

A while back I stumbled across some odd posts on Facebook, then a live on instagram, of I guess you would say a celebrity. A well known reality tv participant. The posts have continued for months with an alarming decline in content, especially the last few days.

It’s clear they are in the midst of addiction or a mental breakdown. I find myself checking in on them, in the hope that they may have received the help that they clearly need.  The suggestion of help seems to make the situation worse. From what I’ve seen a couple of welfare checks have been turned away. I have no doubt that many people have reached out and tried to facilitate some type of assistance. Unfortunately in these situations it’s difficult to intervene and often for your own mental health and/or safety you have to disassociate. Sometimes no matter what you do, you just can’t help. So there is no judgement on those close to the person, I can only imagine their distress.

When I watched part of this very long live this morning, my heart hurt. Each time they post more damage is being done career wise. In this big picture that doesn’t really matter because it’s blatantly obvious that the content being delivered is from a skewed perspective, but it is defamatory. Hopefully there will be a positive outcome and people will be forgiving. But watching what has unfolded over the months is almost traumatising. There’s just a deep sense of hopelessness, every part of you wants to help, but you are completely helpless. It’s literally like watching a car wreck in slow motion. I often end up not watching the whole live, because they are distressing. Yet at the same time, it’s someone’s reality.

It’s comparable to how I feel when I see Brittany Spears posts. The world is exploiting people in distress, yet they are exploiting themselves. There is part of me that wants this type of content banned. But that’s cowardice, do I not want to see it because it causes me to feel distressed. Is that not just putting my head in the sand.

You become so familiar with strangers that you feel as though you are invested in their life and emotional stability. You want to say, hey stop doing that in public, you are unravelling and causing yourself more damage. You want to somehow protect them. And there’s the added fear that given the current state of mind that they may harm themselves. It feels like you share some of that responsibility. Realistically you don’t but feel guilty by association, because you are a bystander. I’ve no doubt the content will soon be banned, which is a good thing. Yet on the other hand it’s their outlet and a window for those invested to at least be able to alert authorities incase of self harm.

The internet and social media has allowed us to watch everything play out in real time.

But I remember feelings of similar intrusion before social media. The first time I felt like I had invaded someone privacy, was the day Lady Diana died. I remember seeing footage of her leaving the hotel, the paparazzi chase, and the aftermath of the accident in the tunnel.  It was the first time I actually felt like I was seeing too much. Yet at the same time I watched on, and the days that followed I shared in world wide grief and the constant footage. Not long before that I recall the intense media coverage of the Thredbo landslide and the rescue of Stuart Diver.  Then 9/11, watching on in shock with the rest of the world, not knowing what might follow.

Mostly before that I’d hear or see something and peice together the rest of the scenario in my own mind, allowing what felt comfortable. But seeing things as they unfold doesn’t allow for the comfort of censoring content that is hard to assimilate. There are vision that stay etched in your mind.

Now days this happens on a grand scale, atrocities from accross the world are shown and rarely censored.  There is part of me that thinks we should have to see what is going on in the world, but then there’s a part of me that says, too far, we did not need to see that. Not to mention the invasion of privacy on so many levels. Years ago I learned of a dear friend’s suicide whilst scrolling on Facebook.

There are no longer any buffers, we learn everything in real time, privacy, a thing of the past.

It all just feels so invasive. As for the celebrity, many more people are now watching and commenting on the behaviour. I’m sure the media will soon pick up on it, and exploit the situation further. But from that might come some type of intervention.  I pray for a positive outcome in a situation in which I feel helpless yet complicit.