Finally, choosing me…

Today’s page post. ⬆️

(In order to have true transparency, it wasn’t today, because this lil peice has sat patiently in my drafts, awaiting my return)

For the longest time, I struggled to let go of a few people from my family, people I stayed half-connected to, even though I constantly felt uneasy about where they stood. Or maybe I should say where they sat, on the fence.

The vulnerable side of me thought, “It must be hard for them. Everyone sees things differently.” But if I’m honest I just kept hoping they’d choose me. Not as in pick me pick me. But as in choose the right side. But I realised I wasn’t even choosing myself.

I think I allowed/accepted it for so long because a kind of self-loathing. That I just felt deserving of not being fought for. I felt like I had to earn love. That I had to tolerate crumbs. That I wasn’t worthy of being stood up for.

But now that I’m starting to really understand where that self loathing came from - the very people that made me feel like I was too much, or not enough. Keeping those people in my life caused internal conflict.

And now I’m done excusing anyone who makes me question my worth. What I am choosing now is peace and self respect. I am no longer entertaining relationships that make me feel confused.

For the first time in a long time, I’m standing fully on my own side, and I’m mad at myself for not doing it sooner. Because the things I was asking for in life weren’t unreasonable, in fact there were things that you shouldn’t even really need to ask for.

I know I’m making real changes, because recently I found myself in a situation where I normally would’ve shrunk back or felt intimidated. But this time, I stood my ground. I believed in myself. The outcome didn’t change, I was still disrespected, but I didn’t disrespect myself. And that matters. I finally realise that I don’t need other people to stand up for me. What I really need is for me to stand up for myself.

22nd August 2025

Just a little quote that I write today and it just made me realise that I wish I chose myself sooner.