Breaking with tradition…
- SHE
- Jun 30, 2024
- 2 min read
Updated: Jul 1, 2024
I guess it’s been nine years. I only know that because of the date of a memory that came up today. A post on my wall of the only person that acknowledge me publicly . That was a hard day, not having any of my Aunties on my mother’s side check in to see if I was okay. Adult me understands, but little girl me will never forget how it felt to navigate that day without a tender hand.
I don’t dwell on dates, we’ve established that, but today was an accident 😊.
Regardless of what happened I miss my dad.
I recently wrote a blog about a road trip a few years ago, discovering a lil cemetery.
Not too long ago we took another day trip to the mountains, we searched for that cemetery. I’d wanted to stumble across it by chance again, but that wasn’t to be, so I caved and googled it. Nothing 😕. It’s adds to the mystique that I inadvertently misplaced my dads surrogate cemetery, kinda ironic really. It did happen though cause there’s pictures - js.
I know I said it didn’t matter where I laid him to rest, and it doesn’t, but I am a lil partial to that particular spot. So there will be another day trip, where the hunt for the illusive cemetery will continue.
We did find another one, similar, but not the same. It’s an odd feeling being surrounded by so many people that have passed. A wonder filled silence of what once was. Sometimes I ponder if it’s disrespectful to visit graves that I’m not connected to. But in a way it also feels like if I had a chance to share my reasons for being there, I would be welcomed.
Imagine finding the solace I needed from the living in a cemetery - those words made me feel a lil sad. Sometimes I’m above myself, looking down on my feelings, looking compassionately at her/me and that sadness. It can never leave, but it can be and is gently packed away, sectioned off, liked a roped in area. To expect it to diminish is not realistic or healthy, and to try do so would only give it more power. At best the expectation is for it to remain quietly in the background.
So this year I have broken with tradition, I acknowledge that today is the day of the passing of my father. I hold close the good memories, I shed some silent tears, which I tend to do when I think of him, it’s not a choice, they just come - and I share my feelings here anonymously, not dissimilar to the graveyards…
